#WeekendCoffeeShare (October 2, 2026)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. How can it be October already? How can it not, you might say. I’m joining in wiht #WeekendCoffeeShare again. It’s nearly 10PM as I start typing this, so no more coffee or other drinks or food for me. Feel free to grab a cup of your favorite beverage though and let’s chat.

If we were having coffee, first I’d talk about the weather. It’s unusually warm for October and that’s an understatement. On Tuesday and Wednesday, which I know were technically still September but oh well, the daytime high was 26°C. I don’t think daytime highs under 20°C are in the forecast until later next week.

If we were having coffee, next I’d tell you I did quite a bit of walking over the week. On Tuesday, I even took a walk off institution grounds. The staff who was with me at first wasn’t sure I could walk an uneven path and wanted to stay in the residential area, but I assured her I’d walked the path before. No pictures, unfortunately.

If we were having coffee, then I’d tell you I didn’t engage in any major cooking projects over the week but I did do quite a few small food prep activities. My most elaborate culinary activity was me making a vegan mango and avocado salad with black beans. It was absolutely delish and I regret not having taken a photo.

I also finally think I figured out how to make the perfect smoothie bowl. The key is just about enough liquid to move the blender blades. Another important thing is not to overblend your smoothie. Today, for the first time, I probably had too little liquid at first. I hope this hasn’t caused damage to my blender. This was a quick mid-afternoon snack smoothie bowl, so just banana, pineapple and coconut milk (and a little water once I figured out the blades wouldn’t move otherwise). I didn’t use any toppings this time.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I was also a little crafty yesterday. I made a bracelet. It was slightly too large for me, so I gave it to the staff I made it with.

If we were having coffee, finally I’d moan about the fact that there’s still no news on the moving front. I looked up the institution in the Dutch Bible Belt town. This has caused me some mixed feelings. There’s a documentary series about it on Dutch television right now. It portrays VIC (very intensive care) homes. These are homes similar to my previous home or even more restrictive. Though the staff being filmed aren’t as harsh to the clients as my former staff were, part of the reason is probably the fact that they were being filmed. I didn’t find out that this series was filmed at this specific institution until after I’d shared in an online group that the higher-ups are considering moving me to that one. Now my staff say it’s highly unlikely that I’ll be transferred to a VIC home. They keep telling me the higher-ups truly want a suitable place for me. Then again, that’s what the staff in Raalte back in 2022 said too. I know I’m not so physically aggressive that I need a VIC home, but I also know that it’s not that causing my staff to struggle with me: it’s my way with words. Besides, even at my previous home I was told everybody found me to be challenging Yet at the same time I was being told to my face that I’d always get the least familiar staff and they’d always leave me alone first because I wasn’t physically aggressive. In other words, I was the least physically violent yet almost by extension the hardest to restrain into submission. It’s this power dynamic that’s basically the story of my life and it sucks.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (September 26, 2026)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare again today. It’s just past 7:30PM, so I’ve had my last cup of coffee for the day and will probably have my evening soft drink before finishing this post. Feel free to grab a cup of your favorite beverage too and let’s chat.

If we were having coffee, first I’d talk about the weather. It’s been quite warm for September and we’ve hardly had any rain. On Tuesday and Wednesday next week, daytime highs over 25°C are in the forecast again. It’s a blessing and a curse that I alone can’t do much about this climate change thing.

If we were having coffee, then I’d share that I’m still meeting my movement goal on my Apple Watch each day. I did a fair amount of walking this past week but also rode the side-by-side bike several times. On Tuesday, I had a meltdown on the bike and probably damaged it, but it still works.

If we were having coffee, then I’d tell you I didn’t do any cooking this past week except for making some smoothie bowls. On Thursday, I made a vegan carrot cake smoothie bowl topped with pumpkin and sunflower seeds. I’m still trying to figure out the right thickness.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I got an E-mail from the person in charge of applying to potential new care providers at last. The person E-mailing me is responsible for the intellectual disability population here and is still waiting on the one for the brain injury branch of my current care agency. This person will be back at work next week. The one E-mailing me did ssay that they were indeed considering the institution on the Bible Belt I mentioned a few weeks ago.

Because of this, I decided to text my best friend with my concerns. I’d mentioned the town before, but only in passing and I don’t want the powers-that-be to find a place for me there only for me to find out that my best friend can’t or won’t visit me there. As it turns out, though obviously she cannot see herself living there, she pointed out that a lot of my feelings about the place might in fact be prejudice. It’s a long drive from her current house and an even longer drive from where she’s considering moving when the house gets sold, but we’re both okay with that, as both of us (me first, in fact) realize our lives don’t revolve around being together. At least, not anymore, sad as it is.

I had some concerns about the institution itself too. It’s a major intellectual disability institution like the one I’m in now, but it looks like most of the homes cater to people with challenging behavior. That can be interpreted as a good sign or a bad sign. I mean, I definitely have some level of challenging behavior and, if the staff at a prospective home are truly equipped to deal with it, it should be better than my current home. However, just because a home caters to people with challenging behavior doesn’t mean the staff truly know how to deal with it, as my experience at the intensive support home shows. One positive in this respect is the fact that the institution actually follows a particular support approach (and one that I can see working for me if done right). In theory at least, it isn’t just a prison in disguise.

One other positive is the fact that the institution includes several homes specifically for people with brain injury, including those with complex needs. This is the kind of home I’m hoping to move into. I’ve also heard they accept my care profile (funding). Let’s see where this leads.

The Wednesday Hodgepodge (September 23, 2026)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining in with the Wednesday Hodgepodge once again. Here goes.

1. Fall arrives this week in the northern hemisphere. Does it look/feel like fall where you live?What’s something you love to do this time of year that makes you feel its officially fall?
It doesn’t look or feel like fall here yet. The temps are still in the lower 20s Celsius and a temperature of 25°C (which is called summerlike here) is in the forecast for next week. I do think I heard some staff say that some leaves are starting to color, but not much.

I don’t really have any fall traditions, honestly. To me, it doesn’t officially feel like fall/winter until the clock falls back at the end of October.

2. What’s a small daily task or chore that always seems to fall through the cracks when your schedule gets busy?
Truthfully? Showering. I don’t like the feel of it one bit and it costs me a lot of energy. It’s the first thing that I avoid when I’m too overloaded. I must of course explain here that I don’t do any daily household chores myself, so that leaves only the bare necessities. As such, maybe I should’ve said every daily chore falls through the cracks.

3. What’s something you’re falling for lately?
Cooking supplies and unnecessary food items. I am almost proud of myself for not immediately having ordered the food processor add-on I’ve been wanting ever since I found out it doesn’t come with the main package right when my benefits came in today.

4.  Pumpkin is a popular flavor this time of year.  Are you a fan?
Not a fan per se, but I don’t hate it either. I actually did love the pasta bake I made last week. Since there’s no actual pumpkin in pumpkin spice, I’m not sure whether that’s included in this question but I do think I’d love that. Still wanting to try a pumpkin spice latte.

5. What’s something you wish would never change? Explain.
My friendship with my best friend. We celebrated nineteen years since first meeting last Saturday. I’m scared it will change though. That is, I know it will with both of us moving and expanding our circles etc. as well as both of us learning to be more authentic, but at least I hope it’ll never fully end.

6. Insert your own random thought here.
Today, I was talking culinary activities with my support coordinator and mentioned wanting to bake my own bread at least once. She saw how excited talking about it made me! I’m for sure hoping I can give it a try sometime soon. At least she agreed to order flour and yeast.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (September 11, 2026)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. It’s already past 10PM, but I want to write a #WeekendCoffeeShare post today. I’ve had all my drinks for the day. The staff struggled a bit to understand the type of tea I want, ie. green tea “without the hassle”. I’ve also had all my food for the day. Can you believe pecans are seriously 173 calories for 25 grams? Anyway, no more coffee, tea or snacks for me, but feel free to grab a cup of your favorite beverage and let’s chat.

If we were having coffee, first I’d talk about the weather. On Monday, the daytime temperature reached 29°C, but for the rest of the week, it’s been less warm. Some people are complaining about the rain, but I’m not.

If we were having coffee, then I’d tell you I’m still meeting my movement goal on my Apple Watch each day. Yes, even on Wednesday, when it was rainy all day and I was busy cooking my crispy rice salad that I mentioned yesterday. Yesterday, I had fun riding the side-by-side bike for a bit.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that the overnight oats I mentioned yesterday turned out okay, but I maintain that there’s too much black pepper in my chai mix. Oh, and now I’m kicking myself for not having taken a photo.

If we were having coffee, I’d admit that I’ve been spending quite a bit of money on food lately. I don’t mind though, as I can afford it and I now consider cooking and other food preparation a hobby. I also think that if I spend my own money on the food, I might be more conscious not to waste it. Mind you, I still get the institution to buy most of my dinner food, because well if I cook for myself, it means one less meal they need to pay for at the meal delivery service.

Speaking of cooking (and spending!), I am considering buying myself a talking kitchen scale. There are truly expensive ones that directly talk to you (and by expensive I mean like €200) and there are cheaper ones that connect to an iPhone app. Some of the app-based ones are like €50, which I know is still more expensive than a regular scale. Besides, if I buy one of those and the app turns out not to be accessible, that’d be worse than spending €200 on a working scale. However, today I received an ad in my E-mail inbox for an app-based scale for which the app is fully designed with VoiceOver accessibility in mind. It’s still €85, so I’m not yet buying the thing.

If we were having coffee, next I’d share that, as you can probably tell, I did spend some money on something else today, ie. my blog. I decided on a whim to see whether the domain name astridblogs.com is still free and it is. Or was. I must say it wasn’t entirely an impulsive decision, since I’ve been considering getting a more “typical” domain name for a while. I’m retaining my original domain name, of course.

If we were having coffee, finally I’d tell you that the client supporter contacted me today. I’d E-mailed her nearly two weeks ago, but apparently she had been quite busy. She has been giving me recommendations of places I might want to apply to, which I’ve been passing on to my care team. I did finally feel comfortable enough to share the doubts I’d had about one of the places she’d suggested. It’s on the Dutch Bible Belt. Even though the institution itself is no longer Christian, the town is and I don’t want to feel like I need to go back into the closet in order to feel safe there. Thankfully, I’ve already told my care team about this and that this place is definitely not high up on my list of places I want to be transferred to. Thankfully, there are still other options.

I do still feel sad at the reality of my needing to move. This feeling is even worse now that I’ve had a number of pretty good days. I’m for sure having everything crossed that the move won’t be yet another horrible choice.

August 2026 In Review

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone! It’s the final day of the month and this means it’s time for my monthly recap. August was a pretty good month in terms of my engaging in interesting and enjoyable activities. It was also a slow month, in that no progress has been made on the home-finding front. In fact, I only realized yesterday that it’s been literally a month since the client supporter contacted me.

I could of course blame the summer for the slow-going process. It’s true, in that my support coordinator and assigned staff were both off for the greater part of August and the behavior specialist is now off until mid-September. It isn’t good though. Because of this, I E-mailed both the client supporter and the client confidante on involuntary care today. After all, no formal progress doesn’t mean life doesn’t go on. I mean, back in my days of online forums, I’d always use some variation of the tagline “Time spent in institutions is not life experience deductable” as my signature. It’s true for the client, but too often the people in charge do not realize this.

It is, in this light, good that I was able to spend a significant amount of time on enjoyable activities. One of those has been cooking and baking. I originally wasn’t sure I wanted to spend over €300 on a food processor if I wasn’t going to be able to do cooking activities at my next home anymore. I obviously could’ve bought a cheaper model, but eventually decided to go for it and just get the model I wanted. I’m lucky in this respect that I’m relatively financially secure. And in case you’re wondering, it took some fiddling around with the whisk attachment, but eventually the cake I wanted to bake on Saturday was a success.

I haven’t heard anything about my Care and Force Act agreement (on when I can and can’t be restrained or secluded) since having had the meeting with the behavior specialist and client confidante three weeks ago. This honestly sucks big time, since even though I’ve only been restrained once during this time, there’s no guarantee that things won’t turn around for the worse again until I’ve actually gotten a proper agreement. And truthfully, even if or when I do, I doubt things will ever be okay here at this home.

That’s the sad realization I’ve come to this month: no matter how good my day is, I’ll always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. And I think this perpetual sense of apprehension isn’t altogether unfounded.

Spoiler Alert: Disabled People Are People!: Reflections on Involuntary Care

Posted on by Astrid

Hi all. As those who read my most recent post know, I had my Care and Force Act meeting yesterday. For those not familiar with this, this is the law governing when people with intellectual disability, dementia or brain injury can be subjected to “involuntary care”, such as restraint, seclusion and forced medication but also when restrictions can be placed on how a person lives their life. For example, it regulates the circumstances under which people can be prohibited from using electronics.

My own Care and Force Act plan only relates to measures like restraint, seclusion and forced medication. These three have more strict guidelines than other measures like prohibiting someone from using electronics. With these, it’s always “involuntary care” regardless of whether the person shows resistance or not. This is actually a reason I recently found out that my antidepressant prescription is “involuntary care”, because it does not follow medical protocols on when it should and should not be prescribed. This does not mean I will go off of it, by the way.

The meeting with the client confidante and my home’s behavior specialist went pretty well. I attended it without a staff, because at the last moment the staff who could attend it with me was switched and I didn’t like the one they assigned me.

The confidante however was quite critical, which I liked but the behavior specialist didn’t. There are three plans involving restrictive measures, all within the stricter category: two for restraint and one for seclusion. The one on my antidepressant hasn’t been written yet. I had E-mailed the behavior specialist in advance with a lot of feedback on the plans. Particularly, they were far too generic. For example, it is written in them that I can be restrained when in “high distress” and that this will prevent me becoming physically aggressive towards staff. The first part of this statement is horribly nonspecific and the second is frankly wrong: I actually rarely if ever become physical when not being restrained and the order is reversed, in that I am restrained first for verbal irritability and this leads to furhter aggression from me.

The behavior specialist got quite uncomfortable with the critical comments from the confidante. After all, she pretty much told it like it is: if I were to file a complaint, there’d likely be several grounds for it being upheld. She also quite clearly said that restraining or secluding someone without a proper plan is deprivation of liberty. I liked this validation, because it shows that well, just because I’m a client doesn’t mean the staff can do as they please. Actually, when the behavior specialist claimed this side of the home being locked isn’t for me (which I frankly believe isn’t true), the confidante quite bluntly suggested I get a key. This is unrealistic in my opinion, but it does show that staff can’t randomly be locking people in just for the sake of it.

Today, I had a horrible argument with the staff who’d been initially assigned to attend the meeting with me. It wasn’t even about me: another resident had eloped and she was threatening to refuse him access to his electronics after he was taken back here. I didn’t actually want to go into this client’s situation, as it’s honestly none of my business. All I wanted to do is raise awareness of the fact that just because someone is intellectually disabled doesn’t mean they don’t get to live their life as they want. This particular staff has a rather ableist attitude towards care, literally having told me that she gets to decide most things about me because she’s the staff. The reason for this comment was my telling her that we were going to take a shorter walk than she wanted. This is another example of the not-so-strict measures, because deciding that I have to take a certain walk is restricting me from living the way I want to live. Not that this particular situation would’ve been one I’d make a fuss of if not for the fact that I was literally in pain and had already been going on two longer walks that day.

Unfortunately, the Care and Force Act is a bit vague in terms of what does and does not count as involuntary care. For example, a home’s front door being locked at night doesn’t necessarily count, because it is not disproportionate and affects every client equally. That being said, there is some push towards open doors and I can see why. After all, like I said when a staff used as a reason for the front door being locked at all times that regular front doors are locked too, regular house residents have a key.

After digesting the meeting, I E-mailed the behavior specialist that I understand that it takes quite a drastic attitude change to actually fully validate this home’s client’s rights and that I don’t expect this to happen overnight (or before I move out of here). I however do want to make sure that we’re making progress and at the very least it doesn’t get worse.

July 2026 In Review

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. It’s the last day of the month and this means it’s time for my monthly recap. July was most of all a hot month weather-wise. It had its highs and lows, but wasn’t as eventful as May or June had been. I consider that an okay thing.

The first half of the month was an uncertain time. I learned in mid-June that I was going to be moving out of this care home, but wasn’t sure of the details. I mean, for all I knew, I could be kicked out to a crisis unit or onto the streets.

It didn’t help that my aggressive behavior got a bit worse in early July. I had another major incident on July 10, in which among other things I told a staff she’d be facing a complaint. I never followed through, because she backed down with her restraint quite quickly. Later, I was told that the way the situation escalated would’ve in fact warranted me being restrained. I’m not entirely sure how much my support coordinator, who told me this, knew about the order of events, because well cause and effect were reversed: I spiraled out of control after the staff tried to restrain me, not the other way around. This particular staff has quite a harsh support approach, so I maintain that it need not have escalated into a restraint-worthy situation.

I will finally have a meeting to discuss my Care and Force Act plan on August 10. My support coordinator will be off work then, but the behavior specialist will attend, as will an independent client confidante. I will hopefully be able to make it crystal clear then that restraint is not a way to de-escalate a situation for me nor is it something that’ll teach me a lesson. Rather, its purpose is solely to keep me from causing significant harm to myself or others.

On July 16, I finally met with the behavior specialist, team leader and my support coordinator and assigned staff to discuss my moving out of this care home. It turned out that there are no plans of single-handedly terminating my care. As I read my housing profile, which will be sent on to the care finding people, I did realize that for some staff, the situation is however rather urgent. It isn’t like this surprises me, but it does kind of contradict the rather fluffy letter I received from the behavior specialist on July 16.

Today, I received a phone call from independent client support. The agency the substitute behavior specialist had recommended, didn’t feel like they could help me, but the one with the client confidante on involuntary care did. I was happy to find out that the same client supporter I’d spoken with several years ago regarding my move from the intensive support home to my current care home, was able to pick up my case.

In other news, today my now ex-wife and I received the letter that our divorce has been finalized. This means we’ll probably soon be talking selling the house. Otherwise, it doesn’t change much.

Over the month of July, I did engage in a few crafty and culinary activities. On Wednesday, I cooked the absolute blandest pasta pesto ever. I cooked it for my fellow residents too, but was so underwhelmed with the result myself that I didn’t even care to ask whether the others liked it. This did motivate me to learn more about the details of cooking beyond blindly following recipes.

Care Professionals’ Behaviors That Anger Me

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. Today in her Sunday Poser, Sadje asks what angers us about other people’s behavior. I’m going to list some things that anger me about care professionals’ behavior specifically. Here goes.

  1. Care providers claiming they have clients’ best interest in mind. Of course, sometimes they do, but in reality, they have many more people’s interests to take into account. It isn’t feasible for a care provider to only have the client’s best interest in mind, of course, because well the client isn’t alone in this world. That’s life for everyone. But not acknowledging that it’s worse in care settings, is one reason staff continue to abuse their powers.
  2. Assuming clients are manipulative. I’m truly unsure of how this belief comes about. I have an inkling that most people in positions of power are at least somewhat manipulative themselves and it’s projecting their own actions onto others that causes them to assume clients are manipulating.
  3. Staff ignoring impairments that aren’t glaringly obvious. In my case, this is everything except for my blindness and, well, even that gets ignored at times.
  4. Professionals deciding what a “meaningful life” is for clients. There’s this support method for people with challenging behavior called Triple-C. In theory, it looks great, because the focus is on clients’ needs for trust, connection and a meaningful life rather than on the challenging behavior itself. However, it becomes harmful when it’s misused by staff to dictate what a meaningful life is like for clients. The words “normal life”and “meaningful life” are used almost interchangeably by certain people proclaiming to use this method. It’s not even wrong in itself, but it does become problematic when staff decide what a client’s priorities in this “normal life” should be.
  5. Care providers misusing the fact that they don’t scream at/hit/otherwise abuse clients as a reason why the client shouldn’t be displaying challenging behavior. I always respond by telling staff that I don’t drag them to another room when they’re annoying me either, so why do they do this to me?
  6. Care providers purposefully limiting clients’ choices just for the sake of it. I mean, yes, no-one has full control over how they live their lives, but it’s a lot worse in care settings and not because it should be.
  7. Care providers randomly invading clients’ spaces and treating the client’s space like their own home. For example, I still have to make most staff aware of the fact that they don’t get to randomly open and close my doors and windows without my permission. Yes, they can ask whether they can do this and I’ll usually give them permission when they explain why, but this isn’t their own space. Similarly, random staff blocking my way out of my room without it being a Care and Force Act agreement just because “they have to support me”, angers me to no end.
  8. Staff being overly friendly when we’ve just met. “Hi Astrid, how are you?” without even saying their name first. This is a relatively minor annoyance compared to the others, but in the intensive support home I’ve refused a temp worker entry to my room because he introduced himself as “your staff”. These are, interestingly, also usually staff who claim to like working with me even though they barely know me. They’ll ask a ton of questions but not disclose anything about themselves. Creepy!

All of these things boil down to staff not realizing (or not caring) that professionalism isn’t the same as being authoritarian. This distinction is incredibly hard to explain. For example, I’ve been to several staff’s homes and none of these staff I considered to be creepy. I think a staff who is overly businesslike can be as annoying as a staff who is overly amicable. Usually, interestingly, the bad kind of staff combine the two.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (June 27, 2026)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare again. It’s nearly 10PM, so no more coffee for me. I will probably take a break from writing this post (or maybe two) to have a drink of water though. It’s my birthday, but I’m not celebrating it at the care home until Wednesday. My best friend did bake me a nice vegan cheesecake though. No pictures, unfortunately, but it was good even though she said she’d forgotten the added sugar. Grab a cup of your favorite beverage and let’s chat.

If we were having coffee, first I’d talk about the weather. We’re in an extreme heatwave right now. I have hardly been outside since Tuesday because daytime temperatures literally reached over 35°C. The nighttime temp didn’t get below 22°C last night either. The humidity makes it even worse. We’ve had a heat index of 10 out of 10 for the past few days. It’s June, for goodness’ sake!

If we were having coffee, then I’d tell you that I obviously didn’t meet my movement goal on my Apple Watch most days this week. I haven’t been for walks since Tuesday and, since the heat indoors is unbearable too, I can’t dance either.

If we were having coffee, then I’d moan about my Braille display. It’s got lagging dots again. That’s not the worst, honestly. The worst is the fact that, due to the fact that I’m quite sweaty from the heat, I can’t use my Braille display at all or it’ll for sure get moist damage. I’m trying to type this post using JAWS (my screen reader) with just speech now. Being that I was a Braille-only user for the first 20 years that I had access to a computer with a screen reader, this is quite a challenge.

If we were having coffee, next I’d update you all on the divorce. As it turned out, the two of us signing the paperwork wasn’t the last step in the process. Sure we’d been told, but both of us had forgotten. We each still had to have a video call with the lawyer who’d write the request toe the judge. This was last Thursday and it was easy-peasy. I’d expected to be challenged on some of the details in the agreement that are formally to my disadvantage, but he just asked me to confirm that I agreed to them. The divorce has now been submitted to the judge for approval. This will likely be a piece of cake too, so with all going as planned, we should officially be divorced by early August at the latest.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that my parents, particularly my mother, didn’t take it well. This among other things has caused me to cut off contact with my parents earlier this week. My sister probably knows even though I didn’t tell her, but she’s so far treating me respectfully.

If we were having coffee, I’d then share about my birthday. It’s my 40th and I’d been looking forward to it for a while, but the situation with my parents causes me to feel a bit bummed about it. I spent the day with my best friend. She gave me some lovely gifts. First was a package of polymer clay in colors none of which I had so far. Half are from the Botanical range and I’d been aahing over those for months. The other gift was a mug. I’d already gotten a 40th birthday mug from my home (well, I’ll ultimately pay for it myself, but the others don’t know that). The one I got from my best friend is much better though.

I’ll celebrate my birthday at the home on Wednesday. I will then get the rest of my gifts, but wanted the birthday-theemd ones in advance because my sister and her family were here last week. They gave me a squishy ball and a doll that my nieces probably selected. Today, my sister also sent me a gift card for one of my favorite clay supplies shops.

When I celebrate my birthday here at the care home, I’m going to bake a caramel cheesecake or probably two. I’ll also cook a pasta bake for everyone (both sides of the home). Hopefully it’ll be less hot by then.

#WeekendCoffeeShare (June 13, 2026)

Posted on by Astrid

Hi everyone. I’m once again joining #WeekendCoffeeShare. It’s 7:40PM as I start typing this post, so I’ll soon take a break for my evening soft drink and chips. I made a smoothie for myself and my fellow residents about an hour ago. It was good. I used frozen mango, pear, flaxseed and soy milk. Feel free to grab a virtual cup yourself (I’m pretty sure the real smoothie has all been consumed). Let’s have a drink and let’s catch up.

If we were having coffee, first I’d talk about the weather. For most of the week, we had daytime temperatures around 18°C. We also had rain, wind and some thunderstorms.

If we were having coffee, next I’d tell you that this week, the institution’s four-day evening walking event was held. That is, two out of four walks were canceled because of a code yellow weather warning for thunderstorms. On Thursday and Friday, the walk did go on, but we were soaked in rain on Thursday.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I’m still going strong with my movement goal on my Apple Watch despite the weather. I’m not meeting my exercise goal each day, as sometimes the weather only permits one short walk, but apparently it’s still easy enough to burn 300 active calories each day. I am currently only 1kg overweight, by the way, which is why it kind of surprises me I still meet my goal relatively easily.

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you my week has been hard in other respects. Early in the week, I needed support during the night, waited patiently for a staff to make his way from the main building to me only to find out later on he’d been spending ten minutes putting away dangerous objects from the living room before seeing me even though there hadn’t been a reason to think I’d use them. I heard him rummaging about in the living room, so asked what was going on, thinking maybe it was a fellow client. He said it’d been him, the night staff. “And it’s night, so please go to sleep.”

A few nights ago, I did go to the kitchen and pulled out scissors but didn’t use them. This prompted the night staff to request the kitchen be locked at night again because of the time it takes the staff to make their way here. This request could’ve been reasonable (if a little overboard), if not for the fact that the kitchen only has a gate, not a full-size door. This means I can easily climb over the gate using a chair, causing a fall risk that in my opinion outweighs the risk of me self-harming using one of the objects in the kitchen. Besides, if you want to eliminate every risk of a client self-harming, well, you’d need to drug them up and tie them down. This question, whether clients need to be kept safe from harm at any cost, has been on my mind a lot. As much as I cling to life itself though, surviving is meaningless if my quality of life is poor.

This same issue came up on Wednesday when I saw the physical therapist. She’d recommended I start using a rollator walker. I’m not altogether against it, although I did say so when she came by with it, but that’s more because she claims she won’t do anything for me unless I start using the walker. The reason I’m leaning towards rejecting it for now is the fact that with it being incompatible with a white cane, it’d lead to even further dependence on non-disabled people than I already experience. I know it’d theoretically at least cause me to walk more safely, but the only times I’ve fallen over the past year have been times I didn’t wear my orthopedic footwear for one reason or another (usually because it was at the repair shop yet again). The physical therapist keeps saying nothing can be improved about the footwear, promised me an extra pair of shoes but never got to actually making sure I’d get one and is now saying I shouldn’t walk as much as I do. She isn’t giving me any alternatives to walking either. This and other things make me believe the professionals’ feelings about risk are more important than my feelings about my quality of life.

If we were having coffee, I’d share that I’m stressing quite a bit over the divorce. The final appointment with the mediator was supposed to be last Tuesday but got postponed a week for practical reasons. I’ll also have a meeting with the client confidante, my assigned staff and the behavior specialist on the same day. I try to separate the divorce from my care situation. However, the fact remains I’ll be literally homeless without the care home from this coming Tuesday on.

If we were having coffee, finally I’d share that I was on the phone with my wife between my evening soft drink and finishing this post. I told her I’d been making smoothies. Then we got talking about blogs. My wife joked that mine isn’t juicy enough for the divorce mediator to read, so I replied that I’d have to share smoothie recipes to make it juicier. That made her laugh out loud.