Hi everyone. It’s been a week since I last posted and I hardly touched WordPress this past week. The reason is the fact that I think I somehow messed up my blog by using some type of “privacy setting”. My best friend checked it out and it looks like at least from a security viewpoint, I’m still alright.
Anyway, I’m joining #WeekendCoffeeShare again. It’s 7:30PM, so I’ve just had my last cup of coffee for the day. Feel free to grab a cup of your favorite beverage and let’s chat.
If we were having coffee, first I’d talk about the weather. We’re finally getting into normal fall-time temperatures. Most days this week, the daytime high was around 10°C. Today it was 7°C and we had slight frost last night I think.
If we were having coffee, next I’d tell you I had a meeting with the behavior specialist and the client confidante on involuntary care on Tuesday to discuss revising my Care and Force Act plan. It turns out I need to sign an agreement that my brain injury impacts me in a similar way that an intellectual disability could to even fall under this law. I said I couldn’t care less which law specifically governs when and how staff can restrain me if I agree to the plan and it’s properly being followed. After all, if I don’t fall under the Care and Force Act, I’d fall under the Forced Mental Healthcare Act. It isn’t like there’s absolutely no way staff can legally restrain me. However, it also is abundantly clear to me that how staff have been doing it for the past four years most certainly isn’t legal.
I saw the revised plan the same afternoon. On the surface, it looks a lot better than the old one, but there are some things that still need revising in order to make sure this can’t be used to legally continue doing exactly what has always been done. One of the things the behavior specialist said in this respect, gave me the impression that chances of anything substantially changing for the better are slim. She said she needs to get “the team” on board too. The problem is with “the team” she most likely means the most vocal among my staff, who happen to be the ones most regularly restraining me.
If we were having coffee, next I’d tell you that I’ve been struggling horribly lately again. I’d seriously hoped that I’d enter a more peaceful time after last week’s candid discussion with the behavior specialist. However, like I said, she needs to get “the team” on board. Some bad instances of what I’m afraid to describe as mental abuse but that’s exactly what it was have made me realize that the majority of “the team” have absolutely no intention of or capacity for changing. As a result, I’ve been acting increasingly panicked and this has led to even more negativity from “the team”. At least one staff has been refusing to support me again because I offended her (even though I apologized as soon as I figured out my comment was wrong). Because she turns it around claiming I reject her, I was left without support for most of the afternoon yesterday. I’ve since invented a number of snarky rebuttals to many staff’s patterns of telling me I “don’t want support”, “am being oppressive”, etc. The only thing I need to do to make myself “supportable” is breathe.
Thankfully, it looks like my support coordinator and assigned staff are on my side in this respect. So is the client supporter, who I phoned yesterday after the umpteenth comment about me being somehow qualitatively different from all other clients. She was quite up front with me that screaming in my face, refusing to support me (and not sending another staff) because of being offended by me, etc. is abuse and it has nothing to do with what I did to “provoke” them. That doesn’t mean I can’t be a pain to deal with, but guess what? I’m a client! I should not be using this as an excuse, obviously, but that thought wouldn’t even occur to me except for the fact that that’s what staff have been hinting at.
If we were having coffee, finally I’d share some positives of the week. On Thursday, I rode the side-by-side bike to Deventer with a staff. I bought two new sweaters. Then, we went out for lunch at a cafe operated by people with an intellectual disability. They had quite a few vegan options too. I intended to go there with my best friend today, but was too overloaded, unfortunately.